Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
