he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
