dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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