woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
