pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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