The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
