Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
