So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
