Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
