girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
