He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
