Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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