so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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