If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
