You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
