I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
