The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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