garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
