her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
