Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
