Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
