Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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