I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
