She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
