Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize