I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
