I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
