I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize