I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
why is half of my head shaved?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
