you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and she was petting her beer can
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
