If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
