who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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