It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
