You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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