I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize