y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
