Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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