fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
