my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
