D3 body, D1 cock
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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