I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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