I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize