Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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