I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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