why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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