went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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