I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I could make wine with my vomit
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
