The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
