At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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