She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
