Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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