somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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