There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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