I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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