We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
