Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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