Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
