so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
