also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
