You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
