there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
