We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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