Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
