note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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