final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize